Yes, I said it. Picture me on Friday late afternoon, kids and hubby taking up all free rooms for study or work. I am in the tiny kitchen with ridiculously heavy headphones attached to my Mac, jumping on a yoga mat and trying to follow the lady`s moves on the screen, while making sure the dinner does not burn on the stove. Hilarious to watch from the side. I have never been more proud of myself.
It has been 2 months since I prioritized health as my number one value. I review my top 10 values each January and this is the year, where I decided to stop hiding behind work and family duties or personal development endevours. I gained 20+kg ( 40+ pounds) over the last 15 years as I neglected health. I was busy, I never had the time and it kept sliding downwards. First, I had to break off some bad habits :
- Being world-champion on excuses why I cannot exercise or eat better on any given day
- Insisting I do it “right” : Ms Perfect wants to do all or nothing approach for food and exercise – either I eat and train like an athlete or one candy/pizza slice is eaten and my “high standards” are ruined and I give it all up, as what`s the point of doing it, really…
- Putting others` needs ahead to the extent I neglect my own completely
I read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear and I finally saw progress, when I started doing very tiny, but consistent changes. As a coach, I also saw the same approach benefiting some of my practice clients: small changes worked much better than trying to do it perfect all the time.
We are so good to blame ourselves or defend ourselves in front of others, hiding behind our high horse of “high standards”. We do that at home and we do that at work. When I joined Amazon, the complexity and volume of work were so different, compared to the work in my executive boutique search firm. There were projects to be led, documents to be written on top fo the day to day work and for some, I did not know where to start and wanted to do a lot of research to make sure I am on the right path. My manager at the time asked for the particular project details a couple of times before I had to admit I am still researching it. What he said is something I remembered and also passed on to the teams I have led:
The longer it takes you to deliver on something, the higher the expectations of everyone around you. You would raise the bar and it will be harder to manage expectations. If you have something ready 70 procent, push it through so you get feedback on it early. Whatever you deliver, you will get more feedback and different perspectives, so the earlier you do so, the better the final result would actually be.
After that example, it has saved me a lot of time and I remember reading Jeff Bezos also saying something similar, where he would test products or businesses when they are 70-80 % ready and refine as they go. People hide behind perfectionism to mask fear from failure. If we say we will wait till it is perfect( which does not exist, by the way) , then we will not fail as we will get no feedback on what we are working on. Ain`t that convenient?
As uncomfortable it is sometimes not to even have a room to exercise or time as dinner needs to be made, when there is a will, there is a way. Giving up perfectionism, doing small consitent changes have increased my energy and I have been proud of myself making better choices for myself day after day, even if there are slip ups or cheat meals here and there. 3 kg down (6 pounds), 20 kg more to go! We are all work in progress and the journey is much more fun than the destination.
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